vulnerable.

What does that word mean to you? Before last week that word meant weak to me. 

I like being strong, being able to handle anything, and fully embracing the word warrior. 

With that being said, in complete transparency, Jon and I attended a marriage bootcamp retreat last week. Not because we were at the brink of divorce, or because of any scandal, but because like I imagine most marriages-we needed a tune up. Just some scheduled maintence after being together for 14 years. I’ve quickly figured out that marriage isn’t rainbows and butterflies. It requires work. It requires sacrifices, compromises, and being vulnerable. 

I’m not sure if y’all have ever watched Marriage Bootcamp…you know with Speidi , Kendra and Hank, and all the other reality stars?? Yeah, that’s what we did.

I was fully ready for the watered down version when we arrived. 

I was dead ass wrong. It wasn’t watered down y’all, it was stout as shit and Jim Carroll himself made Jon do 20 push-ups the first night. I swear I was dehydrated from crying so much, I didn’t think I had another tear left in my body. 

We were able to witness a man forgive a racist police officer who took away his joy at 14. Witnessing the vulnerability of a man who has been suppressed for years overcome that rage and turn his need for revenge into forgiveness; was something I will never forget. It was indescribable watching his energy. In a world where racism is so current, it was truly unreal to be a part of a community where none of that existed-even just for a few days. I wish that was the case outside of that retreat.

We witnessed individuals overcome fears, forgive demons, admit faults, find their purpose, and find a way to love themselves. I was such a high to be in a room full of vulnerable, brilliant people.

It was HARD WORK. It’s no fun working through your crap. It’s harder working through your crap with your person. I’ve never loved and respected Jon more. We both hated being vulnerable and it did something to my insides that I can’t describe. Going through 50 hours of intense therapy in 4 days was exhausting. I am so grateful for my parents pushing us to do it. We grew more those few days than I ever imagined. 

I am so grateful to get to do this life with Jon. I am grateful to get to raise these babies with a man who owns his shit and is willing to work on it. I am grateful that we get to grow old together and live out our purpose. I’m grateful he knows my love language and I know his. I am grateful he was broken down over those 4 days because they built up a man that I love-till death do us part.

Do the work y’all. You deserve it. Your kids deserve it. Your spouse deserves it. 

If you don’t think you need therapy, you probably need it the most. 

✌🏼