i lied.
“I could NEVER stay at home”
“nope, couldn’t pay me to be a SAHM”
“I love having a life away from being just mom”
I’ve said all of those things. I even asked to go back to work a week early during maternity leave and signed my name -sincerely, not a stay a home mom.
well, I lied.
These past few weeks have been scary, uncertain, and for me-so, so needed.
maybe not the toilet paper shortage and the social distancing, but the quality time.
I have always had a really hard time accepting the social roles of male and female…mom and dad…husband and wife. Like if something needs to be done, do it. If I’m going to be up at all hours of the night nursing this baby with cracked nipples, by God, your ass is going to be up right next to me cheering me on. I have had a really hard time being the one with the running list of groceries, chores, sizes, appointments, schedules, dinners, diapers, and boogers. On top of that, I’ve worked a 40+ hour work week and I’m exhausted, I’m spent, and the daycare needs wipes.
I have nothing left for my own kids, much less anyone else.
The hubs? yeah right. Don’t even think about touching me.
and me? self care? What is that?
So, I lied. I could totally be a stay at home mom. I am actually kind of in love with this.
Now, I’m on day 12ish of this desperate housewife gig. So, I’m still in the honeymoon phase. There’s been some hiccups. Lou told Walker to get his ass in the car today. I laughed so hard that she just kept yelling it louder and louder. Thank goodness for social distancing right now, because no one heard it. I also let her watch too much Grey’s Anatomy and she tried to perform a c-section on Walker. The kids ate Starburst for breakfast one morning so I could shower in peace. We’re getting there…everyone’s learning. Two of your own offspring are way harder to manage than a room full of 11 year olds. BAR NONE.
I know this isn’t permanent. It definitely isn’t under the best circumstances, but for now- I’m G R A T E F U L
I am grateful that I am tired at the end of the day because I got to chase my babies. I am so grateful that I was chosen to be their mama. I am grateful for the fights I break up because we are all learning from them. I am grateful for hot coffee and for Starburst.
I don’t know how long it is going to last, but for now…I am going to soak it in. and wash my hands.
xo.
m
